He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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