Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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