Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
