She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
