i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
