I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
