I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
