he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
