I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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