3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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