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Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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