You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I didn't notice because vodka
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
