Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
