Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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