The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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