Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize