new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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