He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
