If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
