T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
