omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im six kinds of drunk right now
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
