Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
