Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
