Your tits are I can't wait for
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
