$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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