I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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