a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize