I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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