cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
