Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
