I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
ugly people sure do ruin things
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
