the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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