woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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