what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
