when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
