someone threw a dead crab at me
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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