Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she told me i tasted like america
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
