my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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