You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
