Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
