I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
