in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize