Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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