He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
