There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
where am i from again
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
