I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
