I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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