so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
