suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
