ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
