We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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