my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
you made out with another girl for some wings
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
