no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
