Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
