he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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