This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
