So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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