I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My bed smells like the plague
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