I'm pants shitting drunk right now
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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