I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
