I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Too much gin, very little bucket
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
