are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
