Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
