Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
