Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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