It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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