It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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