The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
