i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
